On Working For a Soulless, Evil Corporation versus a Small Business Owner

I am using my bachelor's degree and post-bachelor's professional certificate to work in retail.  My dad thinks being covered in bruises and wanting to chop my feet off by the end of a shift will make me want to go back to work in an office.  The following chart contrasts my experiences working for a large retail chain versus working in an office with less than five employees total.

Retail	Office
"Please make sure to bring a driver's license and your social security card to the orientation".	"You look white enough, but the gub'ment insists!"
"We value diversity."	"The only thing Muslims have ever done in their entire history is try to kill the Jews, and now they're after us too."
"We take sexual harassment very seriously."	"No boobs in court."
"You need to clock out for lunch if you're here for more than five hours. We don't want to get fined by OSHA."	"What do you mean 'when can I take my lunch?' That is the rudest thing any employee has ever said to me. What is the problem with your generation anyway?"
"Great, you can read. Here's the keys to some heavy machinery that, if operated improperly, could kill someone."	"Why did you use a serial comma? Unlearn everything your *public education* taught you!"
"Well, you were supposed to be here at 2 AM, not 2 PM. Whatever, they could use you in back."	"Why did you fail to mail a [non-time sensitive] letter like I asked you to yesterday? Do you have any idea how upsetting it was to leave the office at 10pm and find that letter on the front desk?"
"If you want to bring your iPod, that's fine. Just keep one earbud out while you work."	"I'm going to listen to 'Rush' and 'Sean' and 'Glen' all day because they are truth-tellers."
"Don't touch hazardous materials and alert your superiors of health or safety hazards immediately."	::dive-bombed by parakeet while writing a pleading::
"There's really not much in here you can destroy more than yourself. You will learn not to get flustered."	Oh, I don't know, something about my attitude problems and how I am clearly in the wrong profession because I acknowledge my humanity and capacity for error and really could give a shit at how a pleading's margins look.
"It's against company policy to recruit for political organizations."	"Copy this [unsourced, typo-laden, racist, condescending, inaccurate] document so I can distribute it at the Tea Party rally I will be attending while you answer phones."