Stuff Patience has said (without context): Questionable Sexual Judgment Lifetime Achievement Award

"She can have that award. I hear it makes a great crack pipe if it's held sideways."

Stuff Patience has said (without context)

"Hey we could go home, but... that troll is out of butter!! We must help him butter his muffins! That's what the Federation is about! I mean seriously. That bitch would do anything not to go home. It's like people still remembered the Federation xmas party where she took off her top and everyone saw she had a 3rd nipple, or something."

Insomnia Chronicles: Confidential to Patience

I have two words for you:

MR. SCRAGGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Stuff I have said (without context): Patience is a pancreas

"I mean, fuck, you have always been good at selling shit. Your sales pitch for your Mexican amusement park beat Ian hugging trees."

Texts From PCP

One of my dearest friends in the world was given the initials "PCP" at birth, which is probably why they don't encourage people in AA to date and marry each other.  The following is a snippet of a text exchange we had:

Her: I am regularly seeing a 43 yo who is in a long term open relationship
Me: Neat.  Sometimes I have cybersex with an emotionally crippled functional alcoholic.
Her: GET AWAY FROM MY DAD!!!
Me: What, he's a priest and I look like an underage kid.  Isn't that the circle of life?

Don't even ask me how it is that her dad managed to become a priest.  Catholicism works in mysterious ways.