Stuff I Have Said (Without Context): Perfect Strangers With Awful Beards

"He looks the part.  I will be the FBI to his David Koresh."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Chubby Chasin'

"I need a fat boyfriend to exploit for body heat.  I could probably hide snacks in his fat folds.  Nothing that would melt, just trail mix, or beef jerky."

Eris Greenberg Returns!

After a long slumber, I, Eris Greenberg, have returned!  Where did you go, my many (read: zero) followers ask.  Oh great and noble Eris, what happened in May of 2011 to make you leave us?

Um, I dunno, stuff happened I guess?  I got really busy that summer with friends' weddings, family weddings, nervous breakdowns, and not straight-up murdering people.  Then the hits kept on coming: I had to learn how to make latkes, I lost my brother in the Cuyahoga County Correctional System for like 24 hours (pro-tip: Eris Greenberg should not be your phone call of choice from jail), and Battlestar Galatica made me believe that God has a plan for everyone, Gaius.  That plan just happens to be waiting a fucking half hour for Lalery to take his goddamn turn.

But lately, because I no longer work for a massive, soulless corporation that gives zero fucks about Antisemitism but will threaten to fire someone for drunkenly calling someone who totally deserved it a tramp (totally true story with zero hyperbole), I've had more time to think while I sit at my desk pretending to work.  And while I could, conceivably, just post my thoughts to Facebook from my phone, I do worry that eventually, a client or someone will track me down on Facebook and be all "why do we trust this woman to wire out hundreds of thousands of dollars for us?"  Seriously, we did that to my adversary, and we now refer to him as C-note around the office and he has become a huge joke.  All because he looks like a total bro in his Facebook profile picture.

So, in the coming weeks you can expect me to rant about some stuff, because I'm super angry, and maybe make jokes about C-note, my Polish friend, and of course some shit Patience has said.  Stay tuned, many (zero) readers!  Stay tuned!