Call me Eris Greenberg, even though that is not my real name. I was born during a period of time when Boy George ruled the airwaves and the electorate was dumb enough to elect a Shirley Temple co-star to its highest office for a second tern. I blame this event on most, if not all, of society's problems, from the current recession to the reemergence of syphilis.
I have never lived in a house without a computer, and the first time I had a computer in my room, I hadn't even started kindergarten. My family signed up for the internet in 1991-ish. Back in my day, Prodigy and AOL charged by the minute or maybe hour and CD-ROMs had to go in caddies. I made my first web page in 1997 at gifted camp using a program called DiDa and could probably still use an FTP client if I was not so damn lazy. The guys who sell computers at most retail outlets make me quietly chuckle to myself and remember that I was learning BASIC while they were still potty-training. Hopefully they have retained potty-training better than I retained BASIC. Broadband internet has made it easier than ever to waste the time I have left on this earth, and eventually my brain will atrophy. Hopefully I will move to the moon some day.
In other biographical data, I've lived in four states and at least one of the richest ZIP codes in America. From kindergarten until I decided to be done with school, I attended 3 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, three high schools, three colleges, and one for-profit factory of sadness and crippling loan debt. This is why I moved back in with my dad and work in retail logistics, where I guess my primary job duty is getting called a tramp despite my dry spell being so long I may be well on my way to Enlightenment. The time I do not spend selling my soul to Corporate America is spent spreading my propaganda on this blog, intermittently working on a novel I will never finish, and gold-digging.
