In a world fill of Kardashians, be whoever the fuck you want.
You've seen the meme. It's a picture of someone like Lucille Ball, Princess Di, Audrey Hepburn, or Janis Joplin. The text reads "In a world full of Kardashians, be a Janis".
At first I really couldn't figure out why this meme bothered me. I mean, maybe Princess Di's humanitarianism is a better thing to emulate than the Kardashian's multimedia entertainment empire. Maybe I've always thought that Audrey Hepburn really isn't that remarkable outside of her acting career, or maybe I thought to myself that Janis Joplin, for all her talent, died of a drug overdose so is she really a super great role model compared to the Kardashians? Are these even fair comparisons, since Diana was a literal princess and the Kardashians first claim to fame involved their dad defending OJ? That wasn't what really bothered me though, as before too long I was thinking about comments I hear from time to time:
"Good for that girl for trying to join Boy Scouts! All the Girl Scouts do is sissy stuff!"
"I never played with dolls or dumb things like that. Give me my Star Wars Legos or give me death!"
"Girls are too much drama! My only friends are guys."
"What is with all this pink shit? Real women love primary colors!"
"Oh my god, eat a cheeseburger! Who would ever want to weigh that little?"
"Madonna is an aged whore. Long live Lady Gaga!"
"Damn it, I worked hard for this body! If I can do it, so can you, so cover up, Fatty!"
"I love getting all dolled up! I don't understand why you showed up in slacks and a sweater."
"Oh my god, [other girl] is such a slut. I'm saving myself for marriage!"
"I love being a mom! You can't really be a whole person until you're a mom!"
"My son eats only organic vegan snacks! Why are you feeding your kid garbage?"
"Being a woman is all about overcoming the struggles we faced as girls! Transwomen aren't real women!"
Why do we boost ourselves and our heroes up by bringing other women down? Why do we women specifically do that to other women? Why, with all the strides we have made in gender parity, do we still feel the need to demonize each other to justify our own behavior? I know that it's at least partly due to insecurity, but it's a cop-out to ascribe every single instance of build up/put down to that, especially in relation to this meme.
Lucille Ball was a great actress, hysterical comedian, and a savvy businesswoman. Princess Di was a humanitarian. Audrey Hepburn is still worshiped years after her death because her films and the image she presented in them are timeless and continue to resonate. Janis Joplin rocked, and rocked hard. Now go back and add "as opposed to the Kardashians" to those sentences. Some of them don't even make SENSE with that bit tacked on. And yes, you'd never get told that in a world full of Hemsworths to be
I'm a girly-girl. I love dresses and jewelry and the color pink. I enjoyed Girl Scouts, and I loved Legos, regardless of whether I was building a spaceship or a dollhouse. I also hate make-up, am not super good at relationships and having kids is kind of a pipe dream therefore. These are *my* choices. They might not be right for you-- some of the greatest women I know are the opposite of me, and I love them because they have made their own choices in an effort to be authentic to themselves. When we criticize each other for choices we make as women, we are saying there is only one way to be a good woman, and that is the voice of the patriarchy talking. Feminism and the struggle for gender parity is about, or should be about, having the right to make your own choices without them being denied based on your gender expression. It's about having the right to be a savvy businesswoman, or an award-winning actress, or make a sex tape, or party hard, and not be told that it's not the right way to be a woman.
In the end, this particular meme is sort of trivial, in that it captures a small slice of the fight for parity. After all, men also deal with a lot of awful messages about gender expression, and this meme is all about white women. However, never understimate the power of one internet meme to prompt a larger discussion about gender expression, and just in general how we treat each other. You can build your hero up without bringing someone else down. You can say "I loved playing with Legos and climbing trees" as a kid without criticizing anyone who played with dolls. You can love make-up and respect someone else for not wearing it. You can love your body and let others love theirs. Being a mom can be your greatest joy and you can respect someone for whom that would be their greatest nightmare. Let's all remember that there's no right way or wrong way to be a woman, or a man, or anyone else. If someone makes a choice about their life, and it isn't causing you harm, give them the same right to be their authentic self as you have.
This does not apply, obviously, if you like anchovies. They taste bad and you should feel bad.
