Questions and Answers about Eris Greenberg

When I am not being annoying as Eris Greenberg, I am another individual with a real person name and I spend a lot of time being annoying as that person on Facebook.  Someone answered a question about me on facebook and I decided I just HAD to know what question someone answered.  Turns out many people have answered questions about me, and I feel commentary is necessary on these answers.  Results lie beyond the jump.


Do you think Eris Greenberg can drink a gallon of water? Yes

Why the fuck would I want to do that?  Holy fucking balls, what kind of question is that?  

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is cute? Yes

I think I almost straight-up choked someone for calling me cute too many times in high school.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is a good athlete? No

I'm not arguing this one.  My nickname in P.E. was "eeep!" after the noise I made when trying to long-jump.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg has a deep dark secret? Yes

This is a stupid question.
Have you ever had a crush on Eris Greenberg? No

Unsurprising.  Don't care.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is cute? No

Fuck you!  Go choke on a cock!

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is a jealous significant other? Yes

I don't really call wanting your boyfriend to not hang around 15-year-old girls jealousy.  I call it advocating against statutory rape.


Do you think that Eris Greenberg is annoying? No

Who the fuck would say such a thing?  This person has to have nerves of steel.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg has junk in their trunk? Yes

Someone hasn't seen me since I started doing menial labor, unless this someone actually looked in the trunk of my car recently.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg has ever lied to avoid a date? Yes

I don't think I've ever lied, per se.  I think I have occasionally not disclosed all reasons for wanting to go on a date, but never outright lied.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg has ever played strip poker? Yes

So Eris Greenberg used to be kind of an exhibitionist.  Who cares?

Do you think that Eris Greenberg likes to dance? Yes

This person has only seen me drunk.  Only explanation for that nonsense.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg has ever fantasized about you? No

It's probably true.
Do you think that Eris Greenberg has ever gone hunting? No

The day Eris Greenberg goes hunting is the day Eris Greenberg ends up with one or more accidental self-inflicted bullet wounds.


Do you think that Eris Greenberg can do 20 pushups? Yes

Uh... are these "girl push-ups"?  Wait, no, I can't do those either.  

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is materialistic? No

I actually consider this an accomplishment.

Do you think that Eris Greenberg is better looking than Rosie O'Donnell? Yes

What, is that hard?
Do you think that Eris Greenberg has ever punched someone? Yes

I don't think I have, although I've threatened to.  Much better at the bitchslap.

 Does Eris Greenberg have a face only a mother could love? No

See, this is complicated. because I really don't think my mother ever complimented me on my looks.  Yes, sure, sometimes she spent all of dinner staring at my rack, but I don't think that counts.


Do you think that Eris Greenberg would ditch a date? No

I would only ditch a date if he was giving off the date rapist vibe and wouldn't let me leave.