Stuff I Have Said (without context): Puns

"My hair is so naturally straight it scores a 0 on the Kinsey Scale!"

The Twelve Days Before Christmas, Pt. 6

I got a little lax on this.  The holidays and "Sybil" have finally gotten the best of me, and I am drunk and murderous right now.  If you went shopping today for last-minute gifts, I have two words for you, and they begin with FUCK YOU.


That is all.

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Too Sexy!

"It's like a rain dance!"

Must See

Only YOU can prevent vampires and goblins from running around in your bloodstream!

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Debate Nostalgia

"Yeah, I've got your core values right here."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Reasons to Keep Me Off the Sales Floor

"You should have just given her a disc for 1000 free hours of AOL and left it at that."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): It's what plants crave!

"This is why abortion should not only be legal, but compulsory in many cases."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Eric is Still Grounded for Trying to Exterminate the Jews

"She says right before I end up in front of fire."

Stuff Mandytron has said

"I promise I am not leading you to the ovens."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): 9 Months is Apparently a Long Time

"I just saw a picture of Ronald Reagan as a young man and thought he was hot. I think I need to end my dry streak"

Questions and Answers about Eris Greenberg

When I am not being annoying as Eris Greenberg, I am another individual with a real person name and I spend a lot of time being annoying as that person on Facebook.  Someone answered a question about me on facebook and I decided I just HAD to know what question someone answered.  Turns out many people have answered questions about me, and I feel commentary is necessary on these answers.  Results lie beyond the jump.

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Actually Meeting Job Requirements

"Your move, dominant gender paradigm!"

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Fashion Trends

"So, recap: my grandfather dresses like a hipster, my grandmother used to drink faygo, and my mother was wearing Uggs in the mid-90s. This is why I will never do any of those things."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Mistakes I Have Made

Two for one:

"The biological warfare aspect does give me a certain incentive to try to sleep with X again, because then I can be like 'it's biological warfare, bitch!'."

"Do bicycles even give dudes rashes?  And if so, do they really look like genital warts?  I feel like if you got a rash like that from riding a bike, no man would ever ride a bike again."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): I am a Terrible Human Being

"If he didn't look like a demonic gopher secret ginger, the prospect would be even brighter."

Stuff I Have Said (without context): Also, I Look Like Jabba in a Bikini

"I am Carrie Fisher-style crazy, if you replace 'rampant drug abuse' with 'mild Benadryl dependency'."

Insomnia Chronicles: the "Eris Greenberg"

Today I got a message from my old boss from college, who now has pretty much the same job as I do at a different store in the same company.  She has named a particular kind of work-related accident after me.  I think the world should know that "pulling an Eris" (or whatever my real name is) is apparently when you get a random allergic reaction to something at work.  Oddly, I had a slightly less random allergic reaction at work earlier this week.  Pro-tip: never make me backstock nuts.  They will murder me.  Nuts are part of a vast Communist conspiracy.

In other news, I totally hate my life and feel my bi-annual nervous breakdown fast approaching.  Hopefully I can get that over with during my "weekend" and not deal with it at work.  Oh, wait, I'm sorry, this *isn't* my old LJ account and its cringe-worthy emo ramblings?  Well then, I will stop myself right here.