My Exciting Saturday Night

• Went through sock drawer and placed all unmatched socks in a plastic bag until it can be determined with certainty that their matches have disappeared.
• Rated pairs of underwear from 1-5 (1s being falling apart and 5 being pristine); threw out all 1s and some 2s, then sorted by occasion in underwear drawer.  Underpants gnome remains to stand guard.
• Moved bathing suit and slips into tank top drawer.
• Reshelved all DVDs.
• Went through "sex drawer"; threw away all expired condoms and organized remaining condoms in a small box by making sure that the condoms with the shortest shelf life are at the top of the box.  Moved condom box to top drawer and now have an extra drawer in nightstand, which may take pressure off the pajama drawers.
• Made a preliminary sweep of top nightstand drawer and threw away things that were obviously trash .
• Threw away some stuff in my junk drawer (including a scrunchie).
• Put away all clean laundry.
• Put all earrings in nightstand in new earring-holding bowl.
• Made a toaster strudel.

Texts From PCP

One of my dearest friends in the world was given the initials "PCP" at birth, which is probably why they don't encourage people in AA to date and marry each other.  The following is a snippet of a text exchange we had:

Her: I am regularly seeing a 43 yo who is in a long term open relationship
Me: Neat.  Sometimes I have cybersex with an emotionally crippled functional alcoholic.
Her: GET AWAY FROM MY DAD!!!
Me: What, he's a priest and I look like an underage kid.  Isn't that the circle of life?

Don't even ask me how it is that her dad managed to become a priest.  Catholicism works in mysterious ways.